An Independent For Change

He wishes to unite our states, unlike his opponent's party. He offers real, tangible financial solutions to the mess the incompetent Bush-leaguer and his screw-the-nation greedmeisters have inflicted upon the country, unlike his opponent. He wants to remain out of the bedrooms and private lives of Americans, unlike his opponent and his party. He and his experienced, globally-respected running mate will (a) make finding and (hopefully) fatally punishing bin Laden and (b) restore America's cachet in the eyes of the world priorities, unlike his trigger-happy and hideously unprepared opponents. He is a new generation of leader that will take this country forward, not in reverse 120 mph. like his opponent's party has for the past 8 years. And finally, the guy wants to put a basketball court in the White House! Being from the golden buckle of the basketball belt--Kentucky--that alone is enough reason to endorse him, let alone those others I've listed and dozens more. I'M GARY MOORE, PROUD INDEPENDENT, AND I APPROVE BARACK OBAMA AND JOE BIDEN FOR PRESIDENT/VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

Coolest T-Shirts Ever (unless you're a hater)

Finally, somebody at Reebok or the NFL or both wised up and began making Baltimore Colts stuff again. Actually, the Reebok line is a nod to "The Greatest Game Ever," the NFL Championship in New York, 1958. The white shirt, from the Retro Sports peeps, is just a nice throwback. Now if we could get L.A. Rams (navy and white only, please) and St. Louis football Cardinals crap again, I'll sit back down. (What is it with my 3 all-time favorite NFL teams and their 3 greedy bastard owners? Why me, Lord?)

Palin Be Ailin'

Hope the above clears things up. Look, she's clearly qualified to be a student council president (oh yah!), hockey mom (you betcha she is, buster!) and a Lenscrafters spokesperson (darn tootin'!). But a governor? Of a state where moose are the majority? Much less assume the SECOND MOST POWERFUL OFFICE ON THE PLANET? Even George Will, who despises all entities non-republican, deemed Sarah UNqualified. We rest our air-tight case. (Editor's note: Due to the lameness of this template, not all of the flow chart made it. The whole chart is here.)